


Maybe I should let you go?

by crosspin



Series: All I Want (BakodaFleetWeek2020) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, BakodaFleetWeek2020, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, noticing a common theme in my writing, one character nursing the other back from certain death is now My Thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25590577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crosspin/pseuds/crosspin
Summary: “Koda,” Bato says again. “You…you have to leave me behind.”The world goes cold.Hakoda is selfish. He knows this.What most people get only once in a lifetime if they’re lucky, he wants for a second time. Hewantsso badly that it overpowers the pragmatism and rationality that rules every other aspect of his life. And what hewants, he would risk anything for. His men, his Tribe, his ownlifeare all poker chips he would gladly wager to get what hewants.Because Hakoda is selfish, and he knows this.Bato is badly wounded. Hakoda makes the excruciating decision to separate the wolf from the pack.
Relationships: Bato/Hakoda (Avatar)
Series: All I Want (BakodaFleetWeek2020) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854763
Comments: 47
Kudos: 221
Collections: Bakoda Fleet Week 2020





	Maybe I should let you go?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bakoda Fleet Week 2020! Prompt: ~~smoke~~ | **interrupted**
> 
> Can you believe it's canon that Hakoda carried Bato all the way to that abbey? :-)

When Bato gets burned, Hakoda feels like his whole body has been set on fire. And when Bato falls to the ground, Hakoda feels like he’s fallen out of the sky. 

Then a blinding blast of fire cuts between them, and Hakoda can’t see Bato anymore, but having the scene left up to his imagination makes it even worse. Is Bato climbing to his feet or curled up on the ground? Is he fighting back or just fighting for his life? Is he alive or is he…?

There are warriors falling all around him now, and Hakoda suddenly realizes that winning the war eventually will mean losing the battle now. Coming out on top in this little fire fight isn’t worth risking the lives of his men. It isn’t worth risking the life of _Bato._

“ _Retreat!_ ” Hakoda calls out, and the call is taken up by the men on his ship and passed on to the ships on either side of theirs. The deck beneath him lurches and they begin to move away from the Fire Nation fleet with the kind of agility only a Water Tribe ship is capable of. 

Hakoda turns to the one firebender who’s managed to board their ship – the same one who took it upon himself to decorate Bato’s body with flames – and he thinks that, for once, he might understand what it feels like to firebend. The soldier looks scared, but not scared enough, and he doesn’t even have time to move before Hakoda is charging him and shoving him over the side of the ship. Hakoda watches as the inky black waves swallow the man whole. In the darkest corner of his heart, he hopes the soldier never comes up for air. 

The Fire Nation ships are growing more and more distant as the Water Tribe fleet races away. Hakoda wrenches his eyes from the ocean and turns to face Bato. 

Hakoda’s best friend is still down, crumpled and unmoving. Hakoda is at Bato’s side before he can even feel his legs begin to move, and he turns Bato’s body over on the deck so he can get a closer look at what the Fire Nation has done to him. Smoking, smoldering skin is wrapped around the strong arm and chest that has pressed against Hakoda in so many embraces over the years. Bato himself is breathing shallowly, his eyes fluttering open and shut without acknowledging Hakoda’s hands on him, his throat offering up anguished moans instead of the usual playful banter. 

“Bato,” Hakoda attempts, and it comes out more like a gasp than a name. Bato looks like he’s drowning, and the word is a rope that’s been thrown just out of his reach, because although he turns toward the sound of his name, his eyes can’t seem to meet Hakoda’s. Hakoda wants to reach for his consciousness and yank it out of those choppy waves, but he can’t. He can’t do anything. 

“ _Bato,_ ” he says again, and it’s in his commander voice this time. Maybe because he wants to believe the force of his authority might be strong enough to order the pain to stop. Or maybe because he just needs to feel like he still has a single shred of control over whether his oldest friend lives or dies right now. But it’s no use – Bato’s eyes squeeze shut as a shudder racks his limp body. 

“Get the medic. _Now!_ ” Hakoda demands of no one in particular. There are no real healers onboard, and the Fire Nation is to blame for that too, and so if Bato dies today Hakoda knows he’ll probably never take a firebender prisoner for the rest of his life. A studied herbalist is the best Hakoda has to offer Bato, and the man runs to Bato’s other side now with his medicine bag. 

“He’s conscious, sir. That’s good,” the medic tells Hakoda as he removes the smoldering remains of Bato’s leather armor. “We need to get him to a bed. He needs to be treated right away.” 

Hakoda doesn’t think before he says, “Take him to my quarters. He can stay there until he fights this off.” They’re the biggest in the fleet, and how could Hakoda possibly lay awake in that big bed knowing Bato was fighting for his life in a cabin so much smaller than he deserves? It’s nothing at all to give up his room for Bato, just like it would be nothing at all to give up anything else in his life if it was something Bato wanted from him. 

“Koda.” 

The voice is painfully weak, like the hand that suddenly grabs Hakoda’s arm. He looks down and sees Bato, his eyes open and intense and agonized, staring back up at him. 

“Bato,” Hakoda sighs back with relief. His hands go on their own, cradling Bato’s face and pulling it into his lap. “I’m here. You’re going to be fine. I’m here.” 

“Koda,” Bato says again. It looks like just speaking is excruciating for him. “You…you have to leave me behind.” 

The world goes cold. 

Hakoda is selfish. He knows this. 

What most people get only once in a lifetime if they’re lucky, he wants for a second time. He _wants_ so badly that it overpowers the pragmatism and rationality that rules every other aspect of his life. And what he _wants,_ he would risk anything for. His men, his Tribe, his own _life_ are all poker chips he would gladly wager to get what he _wants._ Because Hakoda is selfish, and he knows this. 

“I’ll do no such thing,” he barks at Bato. “You’ll stay with me – with us. We’ll care for you until you’re fit to fight again.” 

“Koda, no.” His voice is so soft, but Hakoda can hear the warrior’s unwavering willpower even now. “You don’t have the men or the time to spare for me. And what if we’re attacked again?” Bato coughs before he can continue, and the sound makes Hakoda’s heart sink. “I would be a burden.” 

“You could never be a burden,” Hakoda snaps instantly. The burden of Bato’s absence would be immeasurably greater, he knows. 

One of Bato’s hands finds his face, and the tips of his fingers pepper Hakoda’s cheek, as light as snowfall. “ _Please,_ Koda. Please. Do this for me.” 

Hakoda _wants,_ so badly sometimes he thinks it will eat him alive. Most of the time, he thinks that there is no stronger force in the world, but now he remembers there is one. Just one. 

“Okay,” he chokes out finally. “Okay.”

“Sir,” someone yells from the stern of the ship. “Their fleet is pursuing us. We need to set a course.”

Hakoda’s eyes flick back down to Bato’s head in his lap. Bato gives him a reassuring smile that doesn’t quite fit with the gaping wound covering half of his body. “Go. I’ll be fine.” 

Hakoda nods. He turns to another one of his men. “Get a ship ready for him.”

Bato’s hand falls away from Hakoda’s face. Another shudder sends his body shaking in Hakoda’s hands, but Bato keeps his eyes on Hakoda’s. 

“Thank you, Koda. Thank you.”

* * *

They’re so, so lucky that the abbey is nearby. Hakoda directs his men to dock their ship on a beach surrounded by jutting rocks and vicious tides that no bulky Fire Nation tanker would be able to navigate. The ship they’ve readied for Bato pulls onto the sand beside them. 

Anyone could have carried Bato’s bandaged body down to the abbey, but Hakoda takes the job for himself. Who knows when he’ll feel the heat of Bato’s body against his again? This, just this, just the weight of Bato’s body in his arms, Hakoda allows himself to take. 

The abbesses agree immediately to take in the injured man, and Hakoda promises to reward them when he returns. They’re well-equipped with medical supplies, including a stretcher, but Hakoda insists on carrying Bato all the way to his new room. This, just this, Hakoda allows himself to take. 

Bato is terrifyingly speechless the entire journey. The only evidence that he’s alive at all are the desperate moans and gasps that escape him as they go. He’s giving off so much pain that it makes Hakoda feel nauseous. He knows already that once they’re parted, he’ll long for Bato until the day they’re reunited. But what if they can’t be? What if Bato is so badly hurt he won’t fight again? What if he’s so badly hurt that he won’t make it through the night? These thoughts and more swirl around Hakoda’s mind and make his arms tighten instinctively around the body they’re holding. 

They reach Bato’s room, which has already been made up with a bedroll and some other simple amenities. Hakoda makes a mental note to tell the abbesses to redecorate the room with Bato’s things from the Southern Water Tribe. Maybe the sight of them will help the Bato’s body heal more quickly. Maybe they’ll also keep the memory of Hakoda fresh in Bato’s mind, so he knows to come back to Hakoda as soon as he can. 

Hakoda kneels and lowers Bato onto the bedroll there. There’s a folded blanket, and Hakoda shakes it out and tucks it around Bato, careful to avoid his bandaged chest. Maybe that will help stop the unrelenting shaking of Bato’s bones. 

“Thank you.”

They’re the first words Bato has spoken since they’ve left the ship, and Hakoda’s eyes snap to Bato’s face. He still looks pained, but there’s a faint smile on his lips as he looks up at Hakoda. 

Hakoda means to tell him “you’re welcome,” but what comes out instead is, “Don’t do this. Come with me. Let me take care of you.” 

“Koda – ”

“You don’t have to do this. You think you do but you _don’t._ ” Hakoda’s throat feels like it’s burning. 

“I do. You know I do.” Bato sounds so sure, and that just makes Hakoda’s anger grow hotter. “Think of the rest of the men. They need their commander’s undivided attention. I can’t stay and distract you.” 

Commander? Right now Hakoda feels as powerless as a cabin boy. “Wondering what’s become of you will just distract me more,” Hakoda insists harshly. 

“You won’t have to wonder. I don’t foresee myself leaving this bed for a while,” Bato says with a teasing smile. Hakoda can’t bring himself to smile back. 

“You’re sure this is what you want?” he asks. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Bato says, and Hakoda knows he is. 

He isn’t capable of denying Bato what he wants. So he nods.

“I’ll send for you as soon as possible,” he promises. “We’ll escape the fleet and find a rendezvous point where we can hide until you’re healed. I’ll write to you and tell you where we are, and you can come find us when you’re able.” 

“Okay,” Bato says. “I’ll await your letter, then. And then I’ll be back with you before you even have time to miss me.”

That’s not true, of course, because Hakoda is already missing Bato with every bone in his body. _I’ll be back,_ Bato is promising, but what if he isn’t? He’s in critical condition, that much is clear. He’s feigning strength for Hakoda, but his shallow breaths and bleeding bandages make it obvious that surviving the night will be a game of chance. 

“Bato,” Hakoda says, his voice thick. “I’m worried that…”

Worried that…what? That once he walks out of this room, he might never see Bato alive again? That if Bato drifts away in the night, he’ll do so never knowing how Hakoda really felt? That Hakoda might have to spend the rest of his life carrying the question of what Bato might have said if Hakoda had just told him the truth?

He draws a shaky breath. 

Hakoda is selfish. He knows this. 

The weight of his feelings for Bato has grown too heavy for him to bear alone, and he needs someone to share the load, even if it means borrowing strength from someone who has none left to offer. 

“Bato,” he says with sudden urgency. “There’s something I need to tell you. In case I don’t see you again. I need you to know that I – ”

“Sir.”

Hakoda whips his head toward the door of the room, where one of his men is poking his head in. “What is it?” 

“The Fire Nation fleet, sir. They’ll reach us any minute now. We need to move on.” 

“I’ll be out in a moment. Leave us,” Hakoda tells him, unreasonably angry at the intrusion. He turns back towards Bato. “I need to tell you that I – ”

“Hakoda. My moon.” 

Bato laces his fingers between Hakoda’s to soften the interruption, which feels like two solid punches in Hakoda’s gut. Bato never calls him by his full name unless he needs his full attention. And he never calls him by the other name unless he needs to speak directly to Hakoda’s heart. “You’ve always been so dramatic. Now isn’t the time for confessions. We’ll be together again soon, and you can tell me then.” 

Hakoda doesn’t want to listen to him. But Bato smiles and gives his hand a tight squeeze, and Hakoda knows he has no choice. He swallows and manages to nod his head once. “Okay.”

“Okay.” 

Hakoda feels like he’s about to cry, but he can’t let himself, not in front of Bato. So he clears his throat and blinks the moisture away. Bato won’t accept his heaviest confession, so he unburdens himself of a lighter one instead. “I’ll think of you every minute until I see you again.”

“I know you will,” Bato says without hesitation or surprise. “I’ll think of you just as often. But those minutes will pass by quickly, and they’ll be few. You will see me again.” 

“Soon?” Hakoda asks, just to hear him say it. 

“Soon.”

Hakoda can’t stop himself from dropping his head low and brushing the faintest of kisses against Bato’s burning forehead. 

This, just this, he allows himself to take.

**Author's Note:**

> [READ PART 2 HERE!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629877)
> 
> All titles are from Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran (a classic pining bop)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I've never written this couple before, but I wanted to put something out there for the event and try something a little out of my comfort zone. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> If you're bored, come interact with me on tumblr! [ main blog](https://crosspin.tumblr.com) | [atla blog](https://engagedzukka.tumblr.com)


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